Today I’m going to talk to you about my top 10 tips for raising my four kids. This is not all inclusive, there’s definitely more tips that I could add. These are the top 10 that I have found over the years that have worked for me.
Now my kids are ages almost 20 through 25 right now. So they’re in that, you know, more college age range. And these are things that I started early on when my kids were young and have used them throughout the years.
I have found success with these tips in raising my four kids. So hopefully, you’ll glean some new ideas in raising your own kids.
Parenting is Not for the Faint of Heart
Parenting is not for the faint of heart. You don’t have a kid raising for 18 years, and then you’re done. There’s gonna be lots of ups and downs when you’re raising your kids. It is an everyday thing.
And it’s over many years and you never stop being a parent. Even though my kids are older and some are out of the house, some are still in the house, I’m still a parent, but our we’ve kind of transitioned as far as our relationship. So these are things that I implemented when my kids were younger, elementary school for middle school and high school.
Be Your Kids’ Mom, Not Their Friend
This is a biggie, be your kids mom, not their friend. This is a tough one for some parents. But your kids need a parent. They need that strength and that stability to know that they can go to somebody as their mom or their dad. That is going to give them guidance, especially in today’s world, right?
If you’re playing your cards right, and you’re a good role model for your kid, I can guarantee that someday you will be your child’s friend. That is a transition that I’ve seen with my own kids. Yes, I’m still kind of that mom role, but I’m more of a friend to them than I am their their mom anymore.
Pick Your Battles
This is some advice that my sister in law gave me years ago, when our kids were young. She said, “Gina, you need to pick your battles. You need to decide if this is a hill that you’re going to die on over this situation here today.”
I thought, “Are you kidding me? I’m the mom. They should listen to anything everything I say, right?”
Well, she was right. You know, there are certain things that you just have to kind of back off a little bit and allow your child as they’re growing to be a little bit more independent. You’re going to start seeing that, especially by middle school. And sometimes even in elementary school.
I remember for me, one of the issues was I wouldn’t let my girls wear a bikini when they were little. My brother had sent me a bikini for my oldest daughter. And I was like, “Oh no, my kids are not gonna wear bikinis.”
Well, guess what? Now they’re in their 20s. And they can wear bikinis because you know, it’s their choice. But that was one of the rules that I had. It might sound silly to you. But to me, that was that was important. I wanted my kids to be a little bit more modest than how they dress. So, call me crazy, but that was one of my rules.
Share Your Love on a Daily Basis
This is so important. And this is something that I saw when I would go to my kids elementary school, there are a lot of kids, especially nowadays, they don’t have a loving home life. They don’t get shown what love is in a tangible way. And this really is to break my heart.
So find out what your kids his love languages are. First and foremost, there’s a great book out there called The Five Love Languages of Children, by Gary Chapman. Get that book and find out what your kids love languages are, and start using it.
For me I know, some of my kids have a loving language of words of affirmation, which is basically praise. For some of them, it’s quality time. They just want to spend quality time with you. And especially when your kids are little, that’s a big one.
So find out what your kids’ love languages are and start using those towards them and showing them love on a daily basis.
Set Boundaries Early On
It’s so important to let your kids know what you do and don’t accept. Tell them what are the rules in your household for your family.
That was one that on occasion my kids would try and come back to me with a little bit of a rebellious spirit and say, “Well, you know, so and so gets to do this, or go here or do that or wear this or whatever.”
And I would let my kids know, “This is my house. These are our rules for our family. Whatever they do in their house and what their rules are, that’s for their family. But in this house, these are our rules.” And eventually they would back down.
So just make sure that you set very clear boundaries early on with your kids, whatever that may look like for you. That way when the rebellion does kind of start to kick in, and it will usually by middle school, you can just come back to that as “these are our rules in our family and these are, what we live by and what we abide by.”
Don’t Embarrass or Belittle in Public
This is a big one for me in that I’ve always been one to never embarrass or belittle my kids in public, not even online on social media. And sadly, I see a lot of parents that will do this. And I will tell you that if your kids are on social media, which they all are nowadays, belittling them, embarrassing them, things like that online, it’s going to come back to bite you in the butt.
It’s never a good idea for you, as a parent to embarrass or belittle or undermine your child. It’s never okay to do that.
You should be your child’s biggest advocate in life. Your child may be doing something you you don’t agree with or you don’t approve of. But those are things that should be handled in private, not in public for everyone else to see.
These are some things as I coach women in business that I talk a little bit more detail about how to do that.
Unplug and Connect with Your Kids
In a social media world, kids are on their phones, constantly on their computer, things like that. Make sure that as a family and as the parent that you’re unplugging. Make sure you’re aren’t showing your child that the most important thing in life is your phone, or your computer.
They need to know that mom and or dad are there for them at in a heartbeat if you need to be they need something. Because you just never know, when there’s something that they need to talk about, that’s really pressing on their heart. But yet you’re on your phone or your computer and they don’t feel like they can talk to you.
Have One Day a Week for Family
For us, it’s usually Sundays. It’s always been Sundays. Now that my kids are older, it’s a little bit more difficult for it to just be on Sundays for us. So we’ll take Saturday or sometimes other days of the week.
But just make sure that you unplug and that day of the week is just for you and your family. Have a dinner together. Go do something together, go on a hike, maybe go for a one day getaway, something like that.
But making sure that your kids know that you value them and that family time.
Let Your Kids Shine
When your kids do something great, whether it’s in school, sports, business, whatever it may be, give your kid the opportunity to shine and praise them in front of other people. Whenever I was out of business events, and would have my girls with me, I would always make sure and praise my kids in front of other people.
You will be surprised that you’ll watch your kids just light up. They will just light up to hear mom or dad talking positively about them in front of their peers. It boosts their confidence. It’s a great thing to genuinely praise your kids in front of other people.
Model a Loving, Committed Relationship
Now this is one that my husband and I struggled off and on for years, but we’re doing a lot better now. Make sure that if you are married that your kids know that mom and dad is a safe place. That relationship is something that you are modeling for them on a daily basis.
Show them that you love your spouse. How you treat your spouse is eventually how your child is either going to treat their spouse someday, or they’re going to allow somebody to treat them. So that’s very important.
Success Starts at Home
Ever since my kids were little, I wanted to make sure that my home was a safe place for my kids and for their friends to come to. I wanted to make sure that in the chaos of school and life and the world and other things going on out there, that when my kids came home, it was a place of rest. It was a place of safety and security.
They never had to worry that there’s going to be chaos going on in the home. Now, was it perfect all the time? No, definitely not. We had our moments. But I really strive for always to be a place that my kids could come home and know that they could be successful at home. And that we were always there, rooting them on cheering them on.
So those are my top 10 tips of being a mom raising my four kids. I would love to hear from you.
What are some tips that you do as a as a mom, that you have found that work in raising your own kids parenting?
